"I'm Majoring in Citations"
Whilst running around Lake Calhoun I was listening to The Great One Himself. In his latest podcast he was regaling the listener with a tale about a solidly average looking woman he met while running day game in Fort Collins. He was settling for average women because all the young, supple college students had left for Christmas break, and all that was left was...well...the left overs. And thus he was relegated to "solid 5's" (as he put it) that remained on the college campus.
But when it got time to talk about what the girl he met did for a living, she said she was a grad student doing research for her advanced degree. Wincingly, The Great One asked what her major was and she said "linguistics." Begging for more pain, The Great One then asked what her research was on and she said....
Apparently this was not enough pain and curiosity was going to kill the cat. So The Great One followed up, asking her how she could be getting paid taxpayer dollars to research "citations." What is it about "citations" that could possibly be said beyond it being the standardized method to cite sources in professional writing circles? She said,
"Well there are differences in the way native-English speakers use citations vs. non-native English speakers use citations and that's where the focus of my study is."
Despite The Great One wanting to get laid that day, the stupid was too great for him to pursue her any further, and thus concluded his story with the advanced linguistics major.
Then there is Melissa Bert.
Ms. Bert is the University of Minnesota - Morris Campus' "Senior Administrative Director of Institutional Effectiveness." If you're wondering what in heck's name a "Senior Administrative Director of Institutional Effectiveness" does, well UM Morris explains by saying this individual "works closely with senior-level administrators and others to provide information and analysis that supports administrative decision making, strategic planning, assessment and program review, accreditation, and data relevant to federal and other grant applications. Working collaboratively with campus staff and faculty in data gathering and reporting, she also will assist campus constituents in using and interpreting institutional data while building campus capacity to access and use data related to institutional effectiveness."
If you're confused about the worth of a "Senior Administrative Director of Institutional Effectiveness" just as you are the veracity of a masters thesis in "Citations" that's a good sign, because it shows your brain is working. Neither of them offer any value to the taxpayers that pay for them, and certainly not society in general.
The problem is these are merely two minor examples of a much larger and longer trend in make-work government jobs and programs. The creation of pointless government, non-profit, and public sector jobs (or grants, endowments, programs, etc.) has been with us for decades and has only grown dramatically, especially in the education sector. 20 years ago there was no such thing as "Diversity and Inclusion Officers." Now it's a must-have for every college and university. In public schools you had ONE vice principal who would handle all behavioral issues. Now you have a battery of social workers, counselors, and support staff. Executive management of colleges consisted of deans, chancellors, and maybe some admin staff. But since 1978 that staff has grown by 221%, even where the U of Michigan employs nearly 100 "diversity related" employees.
Your average liberals and socialists are actually stupid enough to think these are real jobs and they are real workers doing real work.
To your slightly less dumb conservative stooge, they're saying, "heeeey, there's something fishy going on here...I'm going to call into talk radio and complain about it!" because that's all they're capable of.
But to superior-minded people like you and me, we damn well know what's going on here. This is nothing but theft from the taxpayer by lazy people too lazy to get real degrees and work real jobs. It's nothing but a welfare jobs program for America's lazy. Ms. Bert is a legalized thief. Every linguistics major getting grant money to study "citations" is a parasite. And the millions of social workers, guidance counselors, non-profit directors are valueless people consuming trillions in taxpayer dollars over decades of time that could otherwise be put in our pockets, enriching those of us who work real jobs.
They are simply liabilities upon society.
However, there's more to these people than just mere parasitism and laziness. As I've often said before I WISH it was mere theft. A welfare bum will just collect his check and go home to play video games. These people have too big of egos to be satisfied with that. They need morality, purpose, and agency to go with their government cheese. They need vindication, certification, and an air of authority to go with their checks. And so entire professions that are entirely pointless are made up out of thin air to masturbate these intellectual hypocrites to climax.
For example, Janice Gassam. She wrote a precious article in Forbes explaining how white men can be allies to non-whites and non-males in the work place. I won't link to it because such sanctimonious slop doesn't deserve the traffic, but her resume is hilarious as it is exposing. She has a PhD in Organization Psychology and specializes in Diversity and Inclusion. It might as well say "Work Avoidance and Bitching and Whining for Other People's Money" because those aren't things. Organization Psychology is not "plumbing." "Diversity and Inclusion" is not computer programming. The woman hasn't done an honest days worth of work in her life. BUT she has an accredited and advanced degree from an accredited university. AND companies hire her for her "specialty" in "diversity and inclusion." AND those pieces of paper and certifications let her believe she's actually producing something of value. But the truth is world has lost its collective mind and bent over backwards for a truly worthless person. ENTIRE academic programs have been made for people like her. Governments fund and finance programs and intiatives, forcing taxpayers to pay for her. And what companies do hire her with free market money, only do so out of charity, marketing, and virtue signaling to show their political credentials.
Still, that doesn't matter to the likes of Ms. Gassam. In their minds, they're actually providing value. They're actually working real jobs. "Why didn't you see the doctorate degree I have from an accredited university!!! I'm legit! I have purpose and meaning in life! Why you just ignant/racist/sexism/stupid." They want to believe they're actually doing good in the world, and their worthless diplomas, make-work jobs, and government checks allow them to believe that lie.
However, this is the ultimate point I'm trying to make. That it's not so much the money these parasites are after, but the purpose and ego that comes with the fabricated circus surrounding their government checks. Yes, it's nice you stole $4,500 and full health care from the taxpayer for your Reserve Assistant Deputy Director of Diversity and Inclusion at BFU College. But it's more important you have a fancy title and a fancy degree that comes with it because it fools you into thinking you have point, purpose, and agency in life. You have a reason to get up in the morning. You have a reason to live. And I claim this is the evolutionary edge of where government will not only grow, but will inevitably grow to become the single largest part of all state, federal, and local budgets. Because as the automated economy grows, and fewer and fewer jobs will be out there for people, giving people a false purpose and agency in life will be the largest role the government must fulfill.
The Perfect Storm
The perfect storm is brewing, if not is already here for such a scenario where the government's primary role will be to create make-work government jobs, degrees, and entire professions to keep people's egos satiated and satisfied. And there are four ingredients (one that alone is adequate enough to make this reality) that will bring this about;
The World's Reserve Currency
Feminism has destroyed what traditionally has given men and women agency and purpose in life - each other. Women today are programmed to not want men, to fear them, even hate them, and to constantly hedge against the risks of marrying them because "if you get divorced you'll be unemployed and out on your ass." Without men and the consequential families that traditionally came with them, women are programmed to want a career uber alles. And while some will tend towards engineering, STEM, accounting, and other legitimate fields, the majority of them like Ms. Gassam and Bert will choose worthless, fluffy bunny degreesbecause they're easier and require no rigor. Of course, with these degrees having no value, the government will have to create entire make-work industries for them, forcing taxpayers to pay for these bogus jobs. But they already have, proving feminism alone has made government financing people's purpose in life, a reality.
Without women, men also technically have no point or purpose in life. They won't fall in love. They certainly won't raise families. And even if they do, meh, the government will take care of their baby mamma for them. However, men will fare a little better here psychologically in that historically men have always derived their value of their profession. Men will continue to pursue scientific and mechanical pursuits, ensuring there still is a REAL part of the economy producing REAL tangible things that need to be made. Madison may be writing her thesis on Citations of Non-Native English Speaking Peoples, but Bill will still program an app. Bob will still keep the electric plant operating. And Steve will still farm food.
The irony here is that because men are addicted to sex, AS WELL AS are indoctrinated since 3 to never criticize women, none of them will ever point out to women they aren't wearing any clothes. YOu will have male feminists. You will have men all agreeing a woman's career is more important than love, family, and men themselves. And ironically, it's all in an attempt to get laid by agreeing with women politically. Shoot, a lot of these men themselves become worthless, make-work government, non-profit types themselves (readily identifiable with their noodly soy arms), all begging for the government to provide them purpose and agency as well. But men, as a group, will continue working away to ensure the economy doesn't collapse and there's enough taxes being paid to create the entire "purpose and agency industry." They may have given up love. They may have given up family. But, meh, at least there's porn and video games for them.
Then there's AI. I am not as much of a big believer in AI as much as I know the economy has always been and always will be forever pushing the AI asymptote. More and more jobs will be automated. Increasing amounts of education for the dwindling number of skilled jobs will be required. And we are approaching the point in time (if not, we're already here) where our main concerns of food, clothing, shelter, and safety are taken care of. This will lead people (BOTH men and women) into more leisurely pursuits. Some will want to advance the hard sciences, some will want to work real jobs, but human nature being what it is (lazy and egotistical) most people in the first world will think themselves smart enough and wise enough to solve society's problems. Proof AI has already advanced to this level is the increasingly petty and pointless political problems the precious millennial generation has decided they're going to take on. Transsexual bathrooms. 31 flavors of gender. Safe spaces. Pronouns. Made up mental disorders. Fat acceptance. And the bevy of other truly petty bullshit this hopelessly spoiled generation views as "crises."
You would think with such a lazy, talentless, and incompetent generation the economy would be collapsing and people would be starving, but it's quite the opposite. Unemployment is at a 45 year low, GDP is growing at an OK clip, and obesity is a problem, not starvation. It's proof technology has advanced to the point our lives are so easy we are the fat, sloven, obese slobs on the starship in Wall-E.
Finally, the iceberg that could sink all of this in a second - the world's reserve currency.
Technology and artificial intelligence is only half the story. The reason the economy is growing, housing and stock prices are up, and the millennials and their epic laziness haven't destroyed the economy is simple - debt. AI and technology can only do so much, and they certainly do create a quasi-unlimited wealth economy, but let's be clear. The economy we have today was only done by boosting the economy with a ton of steroids in the form of debt spending. We doubled the national debt which essentially bailed everyone out of their financial sins, re-inflated asset prices and provided the stability in the economy we enjoy today. But tripling the money supply to pay for this debt SHOULD HAVE caused massive inflation, which it did not.
Because the US dollar is the world's reserve currency. We can print as much of it off as we want and not have inflation.
I won't bore you with the details (which you can find here), but since the US is the world's largest and least corrupt economy, our currency, the US dollar, allows us to pretty much print off as much money as we want WITHOUT IT CAUSING INFLATION. This has essentially given the US government a blank check that allows us to pay for a whole host of tremendously wasteful and stupid things:
Student loans for liberal arts majors.
A bloated military.
Bridges to nowhere.
entire make-work industries to give our lazy and stupid purpose and meaning in life.
AI and technology can only do so much. But with the world's reserve currency the US government can print off as many trillions of dollars to create as many millions of jobs for all of your egotistical parasites to major in "Citations" or be "Senior Administrative Directors of Institutional Effectiveness."
A Brave New World
Without any restrictions on budgeting, a token labor force that keeps the lights on, AI, and horny men that will placate women, we can have an artificial world where men and women can major in the world's most outlandish bullshit and still make a career out of it. To win votes politicians will promise more spending not only on welfare, but the "Purpose and Agency" industry that will guarantee every American an education and a career.
You will "raise awareness."
You will "start conversations."
You will "be diverse and inclusive."
And you will "launch initiatives."
But let's be very clear. You REALLY won't have any purpose or reason in life. You REALLY won't be smart or educated in the true sense of those words. You REALLY won't be of any worth of value. And you WILL BE a parasite, thief, leech, and lamprey upon the real workers of society.
But above all else, you will be lonely because you will have never developed a core or center for a real human being. You will just be an indoctrinated, government-programmed NPC agent, regurgitating the same talking points you were programmed to. You won't be interesting. You won't be capable of love. You will be a pathetic, pointless excuse for a human being. Enjoy your Masters Degree in Linguistic Citations. And enjoy the decline.
Editor's note: This article was originally published at Captain Capitalism and has been rerun with permission of its author.