The city of Fort Collins faced an incredible and immediate crisis!
There wasn't enough female street names in their fair city!!! And so a rapid response team was put in place to end this oppression upon the People's Republic of Fort Collins.
Lists of female names were drafted.
Historical records of the city of Fort Collins were consulted.
And initiatives to form committees to start a dialogue about raising awareness of the blatant sexism in street names was achieved.
All is well now and "there's nothing to see here, citizens, " so you can all return to your homes. But for those of us living in the real world with real problems, it makes us wonder how the hell it's come to this?
We can chalk this inanity of municipal leftist politics up to the US already having too many laws and leftists with too much time on their hands. "Female street names" rank up there with non-problems such as banning plastic bags, genderless pronouns, bike lanes, and removing George Washington's plaque from a church. But an interesting observation must be made about the genesis of these "problems" - precisely, who the hell drives down the street and has such an easy life, has so little problems in life, that it occurs to them to poll street names based on gender and find offense in that?
So let me introduce you to the newest evolution of our socialist-loving counterparts which explains their childish and petty behavior - The Miserable Leftist."
The "Miserable Leftist" is nothing new to me. I've been unofficially polling people with leftist bumper stickers for the past 20 years. And what I've nearly-always found (quite literally 95% of the time) is if a person has a leftist bumper sticker on their car, if you catch up to them and get a glimpse of the driver they are:
1. Frowning, and
Now you may be saying "Why is the left so unhappy? Aren't they winning? Don't they have socialized medicine? Don't they own the public schools, the youth, minorities and women? Isn't their dream of bringing down the US inevitably going to come to fruition?"
And the answer is "yes" to all those questions. But you misunderstand the "Miserable Leftists'" psychology as much as they do. And so let us delve into the real reason leftists are so miserable, and we will use the newest member to the Miserable Left to explain why - Dan Piepenbring.
Ms. Piepenbring wrote a piece in The New Yorker about the "creepiness" of Chick-fil-a opening more and more stores in New York City. I won't link to it because they are a socialist rag and her thoughts quite literally hold no value, but it belies just how
pointless Ms. Piepenbring's life has been.
I don't know about you but I have much more pressing matters in my life to worry about than the increasing number of franchises opening up under a fast food chain. My life is also too short to worry about the ratio of male to female streets named in Fort Collins. And though I do throw plastic bags into the garbage, occasionally even into the recycle bin, if I were mayor of any major city, I would not waste one second of the taxpayer's time/money/resources banning them. The reason why is I have a life. I have important things going on, and more important than that, I have important people going on in my life. And though economics and politics play a hobby-like role in my life, the same cannot be said of leftists. For the reason leftists are so miserable, the reason you are guaranteed to see RBF on a woman driver with leftist bumper stickers (and the soyboys who try to woo them) is that all they have in life is their leftist politics. And trust you me, it is a world of hell.
Ms. Piepenbring is the epitome of this. Admittedly, she doesn't have a profile about her background available to the public. Admittedly, I tried to find a bio, of which there was none. And at best you'll get her page at the New Yorker which tells you nothing. But we don't need it. We know everything we need to about Ms. Piepenbring (though at anytime she can come in here and correct me). And the reason we can be so presumptuous is she is a "Miserable Leftist."
First, she majored in the liberal arts, likely journalism. Leftists do this for two reasons. One, they're lazy and don't want to work hard. Two, they're egotists and need to do "something" heroic or crusader-like. They can't just be a good, humble parasite, collecting a government check, watching daytime TV, and refrain from lecturing us real world working adults. No, they must have some kind of SJW job like "journalist," "teacher," "activist" or counselor where they "change the world" or "change minds" or "help the children."
Regardless of their reasons, it doesn't allow them to evade the realities of the labor market. The liberal arts offer no tangible skills or trades the world demands. Additionally, the market is flooded with them. And though Ms. Piepenbring works for AN ESTABLISHED, MSM MAGAZINE, she has a mere fraction of Twitter followersa lowly hobbyist, citizen journalist like myself does. This means most leftists are always low on funds. And though they are the first to rush in and yell "IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY YOU CAPITALIST PIG!!!!" it most certainly is about the money if you can't feed yourself, can barely pay your bills, have to work multiple jobs, demand the taxpayer pay for your student loans, and can barely make rent.
Two, speaking of rent, could Piepenbring be anymore cliche by living in Brooklyn? I thought 30 something empowered, NYC women, all writing for fashion/gossip blogs with a feminist bent, had either their daddy or hubby paying for their rent. But Ms. Piepenbring (who is not female, btw) does not have such a benefactor. He has to make rent on his own. Still, leftists insist they live where there is
Then there is physique. Yes I'm going there not because it's a low shot, but because it's vitally important to happiness no matter how much we try to sweep it under the rug. Being pretty/handsome and getting laid regularly, not to mention scoring an attractive spouse is a huge advantage in people's lives, especially to men. It makes us happier, makes us healthier, and it just makes life a lot more fun. The problem leftists face, however, is that while they can distribute wealth they cannot distribute looks. They could be like us, going to the gym, dieting right, and putting forth the effort to make themselves be attractive to the opposite sex. But that takes work, and remember, leftists fear labor, work, and toil above all other things in life.
Fat acceptance. Big is beautiful. Slut walks. Fish bicycle don't need no man. Soy Boys. Sapiosexual. And 31 other flavors of gender.
They can lie to themselves all they want, but in the end they have a deep-seated hatred, anger, and - above all else - envy of good looking people and their superior sex lives. It's just over-powered by their fear of the work and toil that comes from hitting the gym. Which in turn condemns them to bad sex lives which in turn compounds the misery of the Miserable Leftist.
Fourth and final, is agency and purpose in life.
The left loves to use the phrase "first world problems" as a means to remind us real-world working adults that our problems are petty by world standards. While I agree with them, it's not like we didn't work hard to ensure we didn't have the problems that second and third world shitholes have. Over the millennia western civilization, though often at war with each other, inevitably figured out things like freedom, capitalism, free markets, low taxes, republics, and government for the people by the people. And over these millennia western civilization solved most of society's main problems.
War (ehhh, well sorta)
you name it, the majority of the first world's problems have been solved.
Logic would then dictate that with most of the world's problems solved, we move onto production, innovation, and creation. We work to solve cancer. We work to put a colony on Mars. We perfect solar or clean energy. We build a better bridge out of composite materials. But the problem with "production, creation and innovation" is that those things are hard. And the reason they're hard is they have to improve upon 2 million years of human evolution, experience, and experimentation. This typically requires majoring in a tough field, learning hard STEM related disciplines, and putting forth years of effort, work, and toil to get to the cutting edge of technology to truly advance society.
But UH OH, fellow readers! Did I just say,"Effort, work and toil?"
Well we all know what that means. Leftists simply can't do that.
But do you also remember what I said about leftists? That they can't just be a good, humble parasite and quietly collect a government check? That they NEED some kind of arrogant, SJW, crusade or purpose to go on? Well that explains why leftists are going after plastic bags, "female street signs," confederate statues and other "first world problems" they so mockingly deride. It also explains why Dan Piepenbring is going after Chick-fil-a. They're too damn lazy to put forth the effort to actually advance society and civilization, and would rather feed their egos tearing down her institutions in a fabricated and bogus moral crusade because (and pay attention boys and girls) it is easier to tear down society's institutions than build them up.
The tremendous amount of arrogance, hubris, and outright evil is appalling. Many leftists, Ms. Piepenbring being one of them, have no moral qualms about masturbating their egos by attempting to take down productive, producing, and employing institutions and people that are doing overall good for society. They are not saving anyone from anything, they are merely avoiding real work in the real world, while lying to themselves about the value they offer this planet. And this is where I believe the majority of their misery comes from.
They know it.
Deep down inside you can lie to yourself all you want, but in the end you know whether you're a parasitic scumbag or not. Mayors know banning plastic bags are bullshit, but it allows them to ignore the much more challenging problem of solving black urban poverty. Journalism majors know they chose their degree because they're lazy and arrogant, but it allows them to lie to themselves about being a "professional." Fat acceptance champions can say "big is beautiful" but they are just as disgusted as you'd imagine when they look in the mirror. Feminists can say they don't need no man, but they cry themselves to sleep at least thrice a fortnight. Nearly every leftist out there knows they are living a lie, and it is their fear of working a real job that prevents them from doing anything about it, condemning them to a life of hell. I've wrestled with some mighty dark demons in my life, but none as strong, long, vile, or permanent as that. And if I had to live a lie like only leftists can, I too would be incomprehensibly miserable too.
In the end Ms. Piepenbring is guaranteed to waste his life on this planet. While we are hitting the gym, having sex with 7's and up, he will be drinking his soy in a posh little hipster cafe choosing between which hairy armpitted women's study major to hit on. While we will have worked hard to contribute to adequately funded 401k's, he'll celebrate paying off his student loans at 47. While some of us will have kids, raising strong, nuclear families, he will fail to adequately pay for his...assuming he finds a wife in the first place. While we will leave legacies as doctors, nurses, mechanics, chefs, accountants and soldiers, he will just be another unmentionable "millennial blogger" from the 2010's that will die into obscurity. But where I'll celebrate the most I'm not a "Miserable Leftist" is that I'm simply not allergic to reality. I can wake up everyday, go outside, interact with other people, and not be constantly offended by everything and everyone. I won't worry if a fast food joint opens up a shop, I won't worry about the gender ratio of street names, and I won't worry about a statue in the park.
That's a world for leftists. And I can't think of a world they deserve more.
Don't be a MISERABLE LEFTIST!!!! Check out Aaron's other sites below and be happy!
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Editor's note: This article was originally published at Captain Capitalism and has been rerun with permission.